Basic Messages of CRAFT Connect
A mother’s journey with her daughter’s substance abuse and mental health disorders.
As Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) in CRAFT Connect, we share in our hope that the challenges and conditions associated with substance abuse and mental disorders can be overcome. We accept that we can play an important role in supporting our loved ones as they work to overcome those challenges and conditions.
Finding motivation to change is a key step to our loved ones’ ability to overcome their challenges. In CRAFT, CSOs build skills around understanding and analyzing behaviors, so that we can provide positive influence and support of our loved ones in their treatment and recovery journey.
As we learn and practice CRAFT Connect skills, we keep ten basic messages at the forefront. I’d like to share my reflection as a parent on three of those basic messages:
You are not alone. The shock of realizing that our daughter held deep pain that led to self-harm, brought up many feelings, not the least of which was isolation. We could barely absorb what was happening, much less know how to talk about it with family and close friends.
Through CRAFT Connect and other parent groups, we now know that we are not alone. Many families are dealing with situations like ours. We’ve heard other parents say things out loud that we’d only whispered to ourselves. Through being able to talk openly with others, and being able to connect to other resources, we have come to know that we are not alone in this journey.Labels do more harm than good. In the early days of our daughter’s hospitalization and treatment, so many words and terms and phrases came our way. Things like “addiction” that we’d heard of before, but that felt distant or, frankly, horrifying. And, things that we’d never heard about and were quickly trying to get up to speed.
Through CRAFT Connect, we’ve realized that while these terms can be informative, they do not define our daughter. She is still who she was before diagnosis. We have new insights and understanding as to some of her challenges and behaviors. We are committed to learning how we can grow to better support her based upon those insights. But she is not defined by labels or categories.
One thing that most attracted us to CRAFT Connect is the usage of the term “loved one”. We are committed to her because we love her, as others in CRAFT Connect love their family members. The language of the program doesn’t objectify our loved ones, or treat our loved ones as problems to be fixed.You have as many tries as you want. CRAFT Connect skills are learned and practiced. My CRAFT Connect skills will never be perfect. I continued to be active in CRAFT Connect in order to grow my effectiveness in supporting and connecting with all of my loved ones.
As I practice the skills, there are different outcomes. Sometimes, my preparation and mindfulness result in a very positive interaction, the ability to work through a stuck place, and a genuine connection. Other times, not so much.
Rather than beat myself up for not having mastered PIUS communication skills or validating effectively -- and rather than giving up and resulting to pre-CRAFT Connect practices -- I remind myself: I can have as many tries as I want.
From this place of community and acceptance, we find that the quality of life in our family has improved. We have different tools and skills to navigate life with all three of our young-adult daughters. And, we even have moments of humor as we try (and try again) to live out our love and support within the realities of living with behavioral issues and recovery.