How CRAFT Connect Partners Have Changed My Life (without even knowing it).
A mother’s journey with her daughter’s substance abuse and mental health disorders.
The most daunting part of having a loved one with behavioral or substance abuse disorders is isolation.
Raising children involves a running dialogue with family, friends, teachers, spiritual guides, and experts: “How should I approach…?” “Does your child ever…?” “What do you do when….?” “Is this normal….?”
When behaviors tied to addiction or mental illness begin to enter the picture, there can be such uncertainty in even knowing what you are dealing with: “Am I making too much of this?” “Does everyone experience this?” “Is this developmentally appropriate?” These questions began to make my support system for “normal” times seem inadequate. And those who had experienced similar situations, weren’t always willing to talk openly about it.
Then, once the questions turned into statements like “hospitalization”, “suicide attempt”, and “residential treatment”, we felt very alone.
During those first three months, we were in shock, responding to the demands of each day, taking in information as rapidly as we could. I didn’t know how to begin to talk about it with dear friends. I was exhausted by trying to bring loved ones along on our journey. It felt isolating and scary.
But, when we committed to the CRAFT Connect Family Support Group, we found more than skills. We found connection. We met people with shared experiences. The CRAFT Connect group became a safe place to listen and ask questions as we navigated our new “normal”.
One key component of the CRAFT Connect Family Support Group is having accountability partners as we build skills. Participants “opt in” to this weekly connection. For me, these exchanges have ranged from a brief text exchange to a lengthy email or phone conversation. Weekly accountability can be as simple as “Were you able to use validation statements?” or “Can you help me practice something I want to say to my loved one?”
Some partners share the journey that led them to CRAFT Connect, and specific skills they hope to strengthen. Through these longer conversations, generous people (in my case, mostly mothers) have shared their fears, hurts, loss, along with their hope. Even though we are practically strangers, over a few calls we have wept and celebrated together.
CRAFT Connect partners have said aloud things that I had thought myself, but immediately shutdown, telling myself, “I can’t say that! That sounds like a terrible mother.” Hearing other mothers say these things within the context of their grief and hope has helped me face my own fears and my personal barriers in supporting my daughter.
Several of these CRAFT partners I only interacted with for one week and I don’t know where they are today. Some are continued lifelines. We connect via text on holidays that could be challenging or when a situation suddenly feels overwhelming again. A couple have become people that I consider dear friends.
The combination of all of these women, however, has changed my life and the course of my journey. Their willingness to be open, to share from their pain, and to provide a place to ask the really hard questions took away my sense of isolation. Even though I wouldn’t recognize most of them in person, collectively they are part of the tapestry of my growth. I am deeply grateful for these “partners” and the CRAFT Connect Family Support program that brought us together.