Escape From Alcatraz
INT. WALMART - DAY
NARRATOR
July 20th, a humid night in Osprey Florida. 21-year old AUSTIN on a two-week drinking binge with minimal sleep and eating is completing his check out.
WALMART CASHIER
Power towels, wooden planks, baseball bats, 17 two-liter bottles of various juices and sodas, and 10 cans of pink spray paint…that’ll be $2,137.63.
AUSTIN
Thank you, ma’am.
INT. AUSTIN’S GARAGE - NIGHT
NARRATOR
After AUSTIN gets home, he spends the next 5 hours spray painting all of the items he purchased pink while mixing and sampling the juices and sodas.
INT. AUSTIN’S GARAGE - DAY
NARRATOR
The next morning his DAD finds AUSTIN still working and is instantly concerned.
DAD
Austin are you okay?
AUSTIN
(politely)
Yeah, I’m just working on some projects.
DAD
Austin can you come with me to the hospital, I want to get you evaluated.
AUSTIN
Okey, dokey.
NARRATOR
AUSTIN and his DAD drive to the Venice Memorial Hospital.
INT. VENICE MEMORIAL HOSPITAL, EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY
NARRATOR
AUSTIN and his DAD are eventually greeted by an ER DOCTOR.
ER DOCTOR
So, why are you here today?
AUSTIN
(empathically)
Hemmoriods!!!
(the seriousness of the situation escaping him)
DAD
I’m concerned my son is in psychosis.
NARRATOR
An argument ensues, AUSTIN flips overs a hospital bed, enraged by the situation. Two attendants break up the argument and strap AUSTIN in a chair that looks like something they used for Hannibal Lector.
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, AUSTIN’S ROOM - DAY
NARRATOR
AUSTIN finds himself in at a mental institute for a three-day evaluation. He is there for only an hour when he gets a very peculiar looking roommate; a tall handsome articulate blond fellow in his mid 30’s.
AUSTIN
(muttering to himself)
This dude has got to be CIA. I gotta get out of this place.
NARRATOR
AUSTIN’s roommate gives him a Bible and they go to a group together. Midway through the group AUSTIN gets up and goes back to his room.
INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, AUSTIN’S BATHROOM – DAY
NARRATOR
Determined to get out AUSTIN begins jockeying the sink in his bathroom up and down with full force. After about 30 seconds the tile detaches from the wall, leaving only 2 metal pipes holding the sink to the wall. AUSTIN begins bending and ripping at the pipers back and forth. A minute later the pipes burst and detach from the wall. The room is flooding quickly. Wearing nothing but a hospital gown and some flip flops runs towards his window and hurls the sink.
Clink!!!
The sink goes through the window and pops the glass out in one solid piece.
EXT. MENTAL INSTITUTE - SUNSET
NARRATOR
AUSTIN jumps out the window and begins running at full speed.
EXT. PORT CHARLOTTE NEIGHBORHOOD – 8:30 PM
NARRATOR
AUSTIN throws his hospital gown into a ditch to divert the cops and is now sprinting through Port Charlotte neighborhood – butt naked.
EXT. SWAMPY AREA - SUNSET
NARRATOR
AUSTIN runs into a swampy area and starts bear crawling through the mud. After 200 yards of he gets to the end adjacent to a road and a gas station.
EXT. GAS STATION - NIGHT
NARRATOR
AUSTIN sees 10 police cars drive by in the span of 15 minutes.
AUSTIN
(muttering to himself)
Man, don’t these guys have anything better to do?
INT. GAS STATION - NIGHT
NARRATOR
AUSTIN decides that this escape is going to be more trouble than it’s worth, and runs into the gas station, not only naked he is covered in mud and dirt. AUSTIN interrupts an ATTENDANT stocking the beer cooler.
AUSTIN
Hey man, can I use your phone to call the police?
ATTENDANT
F*** it dude. I’ll help yourself out.
NARRATOR
Before AUSTIN can reply a COP and two other police officers with police dogs burst in, they take him into custody.
INT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
NARRATOR
AUSTIN is put into a police car.
COP
Have you ever heard of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”?
AUSTIN
No, what’s that?
COP
(laughing)
God, I love my job.
NARRATOR
The police car drives off into the night.